Names in the News
These names were culled from news reports by me and my friend Brian Hanrahan, currently of the Los Angeles Times, starting in 1984. We aren't making fun of these people, just their names.
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Orlando Bango, Cuban detainee
Festus Banjo, cabdriver who hit Cal football coach Joe Kapp
Wolf Blitzer, we knew him when he was just a Jerusalem Post writer
Shell Block, acclaimed hunting guide
Elgin Bobo, Camarillo College catcher
Appireddy Bommareddy, Merced ophthalmologist and heart recipient
Jew Don Boney, Black United Front spokesman
R. Lyndon Boop, assistant basketball coach at a Fullerton high school
Monwell Boyfrank, early gay-rights activist
Dr. C.K. Brain, South African archaeologist
Ras-I-Aluja Bramble, boxer
Ninette Bravo, Seagate secretary
Boona Cheena, executive director of Berekely hunger project
Elvoid and Mellie Christmas, Postmaster of Scotch Plains, N.J., and his wife
Bambi Coons, who tearfully billed herself as "Sky Goddess for Rent" after the collapse of her employer, Frontier
Coco Crisp, Indians center fielder
Shirish Date, Orlando reporter
Lonee de Boef, Las Vegas socialite
Derl I. Derr, International Apple institute president
Roque T. Dispo Jr., San Jose deceased
Chad Dungman, Chico frat boy
P. Ole Fanger, Danish researcher who devised the olf, a unit of body odor measurement
Floyd Flake, New York congressman
Ermal Cleon Fraze, inventor of the pull tab
J. Crowl Gard, San Lorenzo man who shot an intruder in his home
Wikleman Gonzales, of the Pirates' rookie farm team
Bing Wong Gross, Mountain View deceased
Rita Hiscockwagner, physical therapist
Henry Hugeback, Cupertino pilot who made an emergency landing in Milpitas
Askia Y.M. Hurts, sued over injuries in the Cypress freeway collapse
Debalena Inklebarger, resident of Altus, Ark., host town to Paris Hilton
Mangan Insane, Indian legislator
Dig Ishta, spokesman for the Dutch Foreign Ministry
His Beatitude Shnork Kaloustian, deceased patriarch of Armenian Turks
Mopsy Strange Kennedy, Boston Globe writer
Magdalena and Milton Klepfish, Maryland couple whose car plates -- "GOD IS" -- were recalled by the state
Norma Kuzma, aka underage porn star Traci Lords
Syrophine Lamb Jr. , Palo Alto reader who wrote to the paper complaining about a front-page picture of aborigines with luggage
King Lear, Mountain View man
Robert LeChien, St. Clair County (Ill.) judge
Ding Ling, China's foremost woman writer, now deceased
Acquanette Malone, ex-wife of man wrongly jailed for rape
Vinal Mauss, Walnut Creek nonagenarian triplet
Scarvey McCargo, witness to a New York killing, himself mistakenly slain by a relative of the victim
Dali Mofo, Winnie Mandel's lawyer
Manly Molpus, president of the American Meat Institute
Ann Muck-Savage, head of Make-A-Wish Foundation's New Jersey chapter
Virtual Murrell, indicted Oakland official
Bunny Nightwalker-Hatcher, Pasadena human reltions commission
Poppity Nutting, grandmother in Globe & Mail birth announcement
In Or, mother of child shot on a Stockton playground
Gilchrist Olympio, Togo presidential candidate
Sherbyn W. Ostrich, nominee to Pennsylvania's Animal Health Commission
Celeste Love Pagan, Redwood City realtor
Pringle Pipkin, Kansas City Star reporter
Thomas Pufpaf, Chicago police detective
Tatiana With Ribadeneira, Boston Globe reporter
Vasily Rats, Soviet soccer player
A. Faggot Rivera, surgeon specializing in neurology
Gunnar Roll, Santa Cruz County lifeguard
Reed Royalty, Pacific Bell executive
Barney Rumps, Anaheim schoolteacher
Barefoot Sanders, federal judge in Texas
Rusty Sanitate, Redwood Mutual Water Co. general manager
Shon Scism Benicia High School student
Schurbert Scrubb, youth who turned out to greet Nelson Mandela in New York
Finis Shelnutt, boyfriend of Gennifer Flowers and former brother-in-law of Web Hubbell
Thesius Chico Stith Rodeo teen who drowned in a Plumas County lake
Richard Third, Anglican bishop of Dover
Cher Toadvine, Fremont student
Kinko Tokic, San Jose laborer
Urban Troll, Swede bumped by a bull in Pamplona
Pink Underwood, IRS field auditor in Riverside
Alabama Vest, said to have invented the kazoo
Smuggie Vestime, San Jose deceased
Angel Vicioso, professional cyclist
Otis Vowels, San Jose deceased
Ernest Wamba dia Wamba, political leader of Congolese Rally for Democracy
Wee Kim Wee, Singaporean president
Vera Varkevisser Werdmuller von Elgg, widow of Fred W. von E.
Tintus Arianto Wibowo, Indonesian tennis player
Ed Wiwi, Ohio architect
Peregrine Worsthorne, London Sunday Telegraph editor
Furlishous Wyatt Jr., security consultant
Pornpong Yuwachit, Thai tennis player

Funny given the circumstances
Bud Covert, San Francisco FBI agent
Wayne Earthman, technician at Lick Observatory
Michael Hardwick, who sued after his arrest for performing sodomy in his Georgia home
Michael McWeeny, judge in the case in which rocker Anthony Kiedis was convicted of touching a concertgoers' face with his penis
David Neck, Houston police officer shot in the neck
Cramer Stiff, Lake Mary, Fla., cemetery director
W. Atom Yee, assistant professor of chemistry, Santa Clara University

Bled, Yugoslavia When there still was a Yugoslavia
Dry Prong, La.
S.N.P.J., Pa. Full name is Slovenska Narodna Podporna Jednota